“And Gabriel came to her and said, 'Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you!' But Mary was greatly troubled at the saying and tried to discern what sort of greeting this might be. And the angel said to her, 'Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God.' "
Luke 1:28-30
Ever since my first Christmas as a mom, I think of Mary differently. Sleep deprived, hormonal, afraid, crying with my 2-month-old preemie, I wondered if my life would ever be the same again—if I would ever be the same again. Christmas only seemed to heighten these feelings because well, ‘tis the season to be jolly! (and all things cozy and comfortable). But during one long night, it occurred to me that this new, foreign Christmas was actually the closest I’d ever experienced to the one that started it all—and yet still not even coming close. I realized that somewhere along the way, Mary felt this way too.
We stand in awe of her extraordinary story this time each year. Sure, her birth plan went awry, and her gender reveal was a little unconventional showering judgement rather than blue confetti. But all that seems small since for a moment in time, she was the mother of God! What an honor. What a gift.
And while the details of her conception were nothing short of amazing, her humanity remained intact even in the presence of a miracle. Just like us, her God was perfect, but she was not. And we ask in wonder every year—did she know?
It all seems worth it to us viewing her life from 30,000 feet, but did it always feel that way to her? Experiencing firsthand the hardship of what a “normal” motherhood looks like, I have to think it didn’t always feel like favor.
When her friends and family questioned her righteous character, did it feel unjustified? When other girls her age, perhaps less faithful, had the normal wedding feasts and celebrations of a new baby, did she feel forgotten? When she agreed wholeheartedly to take on this role and found herself “great with child” on a donkey on the way to give birth in a filthy animal stable, did she feel unimportant? When she spent sleepless nights trying to figure out breastfeeding and how to console a hungry, frantic newborn, did she feel despair?
When she had to flee her home with her young toddler in order to spare his life from a man who hunted specifically him, did her heart quake with fear it had never known before? When she was in throws of mothering not just one but multiple children in the everyday battles, did she feel impactful or sane? When her son was perfect and she anything but, did her ineptness threaten her worth and purpose? When her firstborn went missing for 3 whole days, did she ever sleep again? When she watched her baby now a grown man be rejected, beaten, and killed, did it feel to her like she was favored?
It’s in the fleeting and faulty perspective that we seek to find eternal answers in earthly circumstances. Because when life as we know it is crashing down around us, it feels very much like we’ve lost favor. But Mary didn’t experience what she went through because she hadn’t found favor with God; she experienced it because she had.
“And Mary said, ' Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.' And the angel left her.”
Luke 1:38
It’s beautiful the words she spoke with such readiness, but what I’m moved by is the life she lived afterwards. It’s much easier to speak boldly in faith when an angel is standing in your bedroom, but it reflects a heart deeply rooted in faith to remain steadfast when he leaves.
I’m the first to resort to a good ‘why me’ or ‘why this’ the minute things are less than, but what would my faith and joy look like if I truly considered it joy when trials came? If instead of believing the lies that I am forgotten or unfavored, I believed for once that I am? She may not have always felt favored, but her willing spirit bespoke a deeper belief that she was. Whatever comes our way, wherever God asks us to go in faith, whatever calling he's placed before us, may we too have her readied response written on our hearts, "I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word."
Comentarios