I remember life vaguely before my husband and I had kids about 5 years ago, each year containing about 12 lifetimes inside of it. We had a fairly clean house, but we had zero routine. That + random groupings of time + basically being able to do whatever we wanted in that time resulted in you guessed it, zero discipline. We have laughed about this in our current structure yet chaotic time of life with littles, but I remember a time in college when we would literally leave the dishes right at the dinner table, not bothering to wash them let alone take them to the sink— all night. And while sadly all of my systems are not completely and totally efficient (ahem, laundry), for the most part, we have become a pretty well-oiled machine in the evenings as soon as the kids go down. We pick up toys, blanket forts, shoes, dirty clothes, and discarded snack bowls. We unload the dishwasher and reload with all the day’s dishes. We wipe down countertops and one of us (me) feels the need to re-fluff the throw pillows as well. There are a million tiny tasks and we zoom through them to get the ship ready for another day, all before any free time, and you know what? It all happens in 30 minutes tops. We’ve been building these habits slowly for 9 years now, but by far most of them have occurred in these years with kids. So, yes, we were new at running a household as newlyweds in college, but we also had less people and therefore less responsibility.
So why did it take us having children to form these habits? Well, in college, we had all the time in the world! If we left the dishes out right at the dining room table and didn’t even fold the blanket or do the laundry, we could just do it as soon as we woke up, because nobody needed us! It was beautiful wasn’t it? With kids, you learn very quickly that you have to do the things in the small sliver of time that you’re given, because you aren’t gonna see it again until tomorrow. As soon as you have that newborn baby, you begin to wonder if you’ll ever have time again to get anything done much less something you WANT to do. And every next generation mother, entirely well-intending, pats you and says: “don’t worry about all the housework—it will still be there later.” Well honestly, that’s what I’m afraid of. And by the time I get to it, I’m worried it will have tripled in size. And this is why moms do laundry while holding a 1 year old on their hip and respond to Marco Polo messages while straightening their hair. In fact, I think this specific form of messaging was made for moms alone, because our communication is basically one large game of Marco Polo. I “marco” from my home struggling to keep my head above water with children’s needs and tasks and she “polo’s” from her home drowning in worry and potty-training. Everything in our season demands that we must become proficient at being efficient. Of course, it’s beneficial to have these simple habits and daily routines in place whatever the cause, but there have been other shifts as well, some so gradual I’ve barely noticed the cause and effect.
I remember a question my mentor in college Ali Enos would ask us as we gathered around her living room covering her furniture and floor with comfort color tees, Nike shorts, and snacks a plenty. But before we ever opened our bible, she would ask us “how is your tank?” We all knew what she meant when she asked us, and the question was referring to our personal gas tank regarding God’s word and his presence in our lives. And then we would elaborate. For instance, if you were empty, you might say “empty, I just don’t feel like I have been in the word at all and I feel stretched thin, etc.” Or you might say, “Full! I have been hearing from God so clearly lately and really feeling him move in my life!” Or any answers in between were also acceptable: “I’ve been on empty but I’m starting to fill my tank back up,” or “I’m halfway—I’m going through the motions, but my heart isn’t quite in it.” Anything and everything would do, as long as we self-assessed and were honest. And whether we were empty or full, no judgement was ever made.
But I noticed during those years, because she brought our attention to it, that my tank fluctuated so much and I started to pick up on a habit. I remember a one-on-one meeting with Ali one day when I told her I just struggled so much with keeping a full tank and even running dangerously empty when I wasn’t plugged into a bible study with other believers. She was always understanding and everything was legitimate with Ali no matter what I felt, but she also wisely told me that I had to learn to find sustenance on my own as well. I knew I needed to hear that, but over the years I have wondered HOW do you make that happen though? What was I lacking?
It was discipline. Routine. Steadfastness. And it doesn’t have to be every morning at 5am! (Which is great by the way if it is). Look, my richest times with God this year were Tuesday and Thursday mornings at 9 when the big kids were at Mother’s Day Out, and when the youngest was napping. The house was quiet, I could drink my coffee in peace, and I could dig in the word with nothing else begging for my attention for nearly two hours. Twice a week. That’s all. Those times although few were so precious. The other days may be a verse here, maybe I was mulling over what I had read, and sometimes it may have been a podcast in my haste or an encouraging message from a friend reminding me of God’s goodness. And to be completely honest, I have never felt more rooted in the word than I have this year. I’ve grown to crave it. To seek it. Even now with the quarantine in place and all routine removed. It was this building of steadfastness over the years that instilled in me several things:
1). I learned how much I needed it. (and had missed it)
2). I learned that I loved to learn it.
3). I learned steadfastness through the continual turning back when I did stray from my routine—and not to beat myself up about it!
4). I learned he meets me there Every. Single. Time. No habitual lows. No gimmicks. No limits on his provision. Because HE is steadfast.
5). No matter how small or seemingly insignificant the little bit of truth I put in, it was sustenance and it did sustain me.
6). I learned to seek HIM in his word and not just how it could feed me for the day, because I wasn’t famished and frantic every time I sat down with Him.
I often like to listen to the Risen Motherhood podcast—I highly recommend their book as well, mamas! It will be a re-read for sure. Recently I listened to one of their episodes that talked about not allowing these little years to be “the lost years.” These years where we don’t have uninterrupted time to ourselves and we do have dishes and laundry waiting even when the kids are sleeping or at school. And no matter how much we crave to be in a quiet and clean living room with hot coffee in hand and a bible in lap, it doesn’t always look like that. But their encouragement was to simply just put a little in when and where you can. No matter how much or what it looks like or if it’s quiet at all. Just put truth in, because it won’t come back void. It will resonate and come out when you need it, because it’s alive and active.
And that’s the thing about gas tanks—you have to put gas in if you want to keep going. And you can stop and fill up completely and you’re good to go for a while! But with this mentality and habit, you’ll eventually be feeling that low fuel signal all to soon only to start the process over again. But if you learn to keep putting in a little at a time no matter your circumstances and no matter your season, you won’t come up empty. It will be useful and sustaining and will keep you going. And you don’t need children or great structure or any specific circumstance to make this happen, you just need to be purposeful. Diligent. Steadfast. Seeking. And you know what? If you just show up with a little bit of resolve, he’ll cover the rest. Just ask him.
Matthew 7:7
“Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.”
2 Timothy 3:16-17
“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
Hebrews 4:12
“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword. It penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and the attitudes of the heart.”
Comments