Okay, we can’t do a woman’s series and not talk about this. Is it just me or does everyone seem to be struggling more with hormones lately? What is that about? Not that it’s something we can ever truly escape, but it just seems like for almost everyone I’ve talked to, the battle against hormones has been harder. And I have a theory about that.
The way I describe the emotional roller coaster to my husband is this: it’s not that I get upset over trivial things that wouldn’t normally bother me. It’s always issues that would bother me otherwise, hormones simply remove my ability to deal. Someone recently put it this way: “I have all my normal stressors, it’s just that hormones make them more stressful!” And that conversation mirroring my own thoughts led me to think… why does it all the sudden seem worse?
Well, what year has been more stressful and more anxiety inducing than 2020 and the beginning of 2021? Perhaps this phenomenon is because our thresholds for stress and anxiety are already at capacity on our good days so when hormones get involved, we’re done.
Irrational -not logical or reasonable
That is how hormones make me feel. Irrational. I don’t know about you, but I hate this feeling. It is incredibly frustrating to feel like you work so hard at remaining in the word, staying rooted in truth, being level-headed, and then here comes hormones to unhinge it all, leaving you to feel like a crazy person. And what could be worse for us than feeling out of control?
You know what is the most frustrating part? It’s never irrational reasons for the way I’m feeling, it’s simply my irrational responses. Even unspoken responses in the form of emotions. But on days when hormones are less then helpful, everything feels like too much, and I, not enough.
I’ve been mulling over the phrase, “boss your emotions,” and there’s a lot of good thought here, but I want to unpack it a little more. Have you heard this phrase? I think there’s some advice we should heed here, because while our anxiousness may lead us to want to act one way, we have to be able to reason and act on logic. While I think that mentality is honorable—to not allow your emotions to have the final say—I’m not sure it proves fruitful every time.
The feeling of being out of control is my nightmare. For this reason, I’m not a big fan of roller coasters or flying. Because I know that in case of an emergency, there’s nothing I can do to help myself or gain control should something go wrong on a flight. I hate that feeling of helplessness. Worst case scenario, even if I could get to the cockpit with all the switches and gauges at my fingertips, I’d still have absolutely no idea what to do with them.
That’s sort of how “boss your feelings,” feels to me after a while. It feels like I’m stepping into the cockpit only to realize that while I could take control of the plane, I’ll never successfully land it on my own. In the aftermath of our dramatic fiery crash, we feel remorse and wonder what in the world is wrong with us. The real issue behind “bossing our emotions” is that the person taking charge is still me.
I’ve been teaching my kids the fruit of the Spirit song I learned when I was a kid, so the many aspects of it have been in my mind of late.
“But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!”
Galatians 5:22
What I’m lacking most on days when emotions are running the gamete is self-control (along with patience—always patience). I mean I can know all I want where I wish the plane would land, but the problem remains of how to get it there. Likewise, I can register that my feelings on an issue are unreasonable, but I can’t quite maneuver them to where I want them to be. Well, in this way, self-control can make it a bit misleading. On one hand, we are given, with the Spirit, these aspects (or fruits) of his presence. And therefore, we are given both the insight and desire to control ourselves. However, it is truly the Spirit that governs these and ultimately, us. While we wish to control ourselves, it is only by the Spirit that we will successfully do so.
It’s not a bad thing to want to control our emotions when we feel them slipping due to any reason—hormones, lack of sleep, chaotic settings, and sometimes the trifecta (hello newborn season). This means we know what the fruit of the Spirit feels like in our lives and so we feel where we’re lacking. We just need to take it a step further and acknowledge that in order to truly boss our feelings, we need a better boss. We need to lean into the Spirit in order to see restoration. That hormonal feeling of being out of control to no fault of our own should remind us realize we never really were.
Behind hormones making us feel not ourselves, we need to realize that any goodness we have on the other days was always Jesus—evident through the Spirit. That the plane was only flying smoothly because of the pilot. Unfortunately, we tend to think it’s us who are operating it. It’s as if we live many days under the impression we were flying the plane and turbulence in the form of hormones shows up to remind us we can’t and shouldn’t be in the first place.
We love to quote that verse in 2nd Timothy about God not giving us a spirit of fear when we begin to feel anxious. I think there is no better practice than to say this with conviction and pray it to fight off doubts and anxious thoughts. Because he hasn’t given us those, and he has provided us a Spirit that is quite the contrary. But I love the King James version that says,
“ For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
2 Timothy 1:7
I love the words “sound mind,” don’t you? That feels peaceful and strong. It’s what we desire ultimately in moments of weakness. We began to think of our “sound mind” as our savior in a way. That as long as we have reasonable judgement, we’re good. So it comes as no surprise that on the days we feel our mind isn’t quite as sound, we feel out of control and like a failure. This, however, is evidence of us leaning on our own abilities. We think in those moments we’re feeling a lack of a savior, when we’re really just realizing we make bad saviors.
“Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.”
Galatians 5:24
As annoying and despairing as hormones can be—in any stage of life—it’s for this humbling reason I think maybe they aren’t all bad. Maybe the reminder that we aren’t in control even of the smallest details remind us to seek him not just often but constantly. Maybe they provide a continual opportunity to experience God’s supernatural peace.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7
Maybe the reminder that we too are weak and prey to our own emotions will bring humility in places we hold pride. That when hormones crash into what felt like us having things altogether, may we relearn often that we don’t. And that humility is better than that every time.
“Pride ends in humiliation, while humility brings honor.”
Proverbs 30:23
Maybe the continual turning back to him who does sustain us reminds us who is really flying this plane, and who always lands it safety.
“I love you, Lord; you are my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.”
Psalm 18:1-2
Maybe when we start to doubt ourselves or use phrases like, “I just don’t feel like myself,” we can remember what we are about, whose we are, and the tools God gives us through him.
“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” (or self-discipline or sound mind)
2 Timothy 1:7
Maybe when we feel anxious about every tiny thing, we’ll remember where true joy is found.
“When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.”
Psalm 94:19
Maybe when we feel that familiar desire to hide our struggles from our spouses and close friends, we’ll remember to be honest and allow them to be Godly encouragement. As a result, we’ll receive the gift that comes from such.
“The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.”
Proverbs 27:9
Maybe when we feel so very out of control and the odds feel stacked against us, it will be a placeholder for us to see him preserve us.
"We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair."
2 Corinthians 4:8
Maybe when we feel the pull to appear always strong on our own, we’ll remember to bear our weakness in obedience to the Lord. Maybe we’ll even begin to be glad of our weaknesses for the glory of God.
“Each time he said, ‘My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.’ So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
It seems to me that according to these verses, hormones, instead of being a thorn in our side, could actually be a tool to move us back to where we’re supposed to be. Maybe the fact that everyone is having the same struggle just goes to show what our innate response to hardship seems to be: take control of the plane. And maybe the struggle is our cue to surrender. While our emotions can lie and change on a whim, hormones are a good reminder that God never does. In all things, he remains. So, when we’re starting to feel our peace slipping and doubts creep in, let’s remember:
1). God is in control
2). Be humble- weaknesses are for his glory too
3). Pray with requests and thankfulness
4). Meditate on scripture
5). Invite Godly wisdom from trusted
Lord, thank you for hormones. While they are not my favorite and they feel as though they’ve come to steal every good habit I have going, they reveal my façade that it was never really me in control. Thank you that they humble me in ways I’d never seek to humble myself. Thank you that they stop me and make me reassess my feelings and motives. Thank you that they push me towards you out of need and desperation. Thank you that they make me hand over the burdens I was trying and failing to carry on my own. Thank you that you are always there ready, and ever-present help in times of need. We love you, amen.
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”
1 Peter 5:6-7
Thank you for reading! I hope you found hope here in these words and ultimately, seen in your struggle, because you are not alone! If you are new here, we are in week 4 of a series called "A Christian Woman in a Modern World." Please subscribe and read the previous weeks as we'll keep building on these concepts! If you have additional thoughts or questions, you can find me on Instagram, email me through the blog, or comment below! Would love to hear from you! Hope to see you back next week, Wednesday at 9am to talk about women in marriage!
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