Why can't I just do better?

Galatians 5:22

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”

Many of us know these words by heart—can even sing it, if pressed. Even so, the knowledge of such doesn’t quite answer how we actually do this. As we grow in our faith and experience trying circumstances, we begin to ask: how do we continue to bear this fruit?

We see it all the time, especially within our own hearts and minds, the shame and guilt cycle in which we berate ourselves when we fail again. When we weren’t kind, loving, joyful, gentle, faithful, patient, reflecting his goodness, or self-disciplined. Goodness! What day have I lived where I have not fallen short in one of these regards or perhaps closer to the truth, all of them? We find ourselves once again in familiar places, melting into questions and self-condemnation over our every wrong which ultimately ends in why can’t I just do better?

The first issue at hand is we often confuse being fruit bearers with being fruit makers, and therein lies the problem. We cannot manufacture it, but because the Spirit lives in us acting in many roles, we have now not only the beautiful, amazing gift of salvation in which the Spirit acts as a seal for, but also the privilege of a changed life bearing this fruit and growing in the likeness of Christ. This is a really important distinction because this self-condemning cycle indicates a larger heart issue. The reason we fail is because we are human; the reason we spiral is because we forget that we are.

In essence, by trying to always be better on our own, most often we are trying to produce this fruit for the satisfaction of knowing we are good enough, successful, worthy—on our own. Because if we have to have help, are we ever truly enough? But self-sufficiency is not the goal nor is it biblical. Self-sufficiency only exists in the character of God which makes living to attain that goal idolatry. Tearing ourselves down in the aftermath is only evidence of this. Tim Keller said in his podcast episode 677 Mercy, Not Sacrifice, that the telling is in the way we deal with our moral failures.

“When you let yourself down, do you beat yourself up? You know what that shows? Jesus isn’t your Savior—you’re your own savior.” -Tim Keller

That realization should rock us because you know what it tells us? Those words we repeat to ourselves in our weaknesses don’t sound at all like Jesus. And that’s the only voice we should be straining to hear.

The second issue is that we expect once we’ve learned something or simply hold the knowledge, we should always portray it. Of course, this is what we want to do—what we aim to do as we walk in the ways of the Spirit. However, John the Baptist said some most interesting words to the self-righteous religious leaders in Matthew 3 that has completely changed the way I view our ability to bear fruit. In Matthew 3:8 he says, “Bear fruit in keeping with repentance.” First of all, I know what you’re thinking. This is before Pentecost—before the masses had the Holy Spirit. That’s true. However, John did. In Luke, the angel tells Zechariah, John’s father this news before John is even born.

Luke 1:15

“…and he will be filled with the Holy Spirit, even from his mother’s womb.”

This makes John an accurate voice for such words, but still what does he mean? Bear fruit in keeping with repentance? Well, think of his audience. The Pharisees and Sadducees were religious, but they were far from gracious. They were by all outward appearances the best at keeping the law—often very publicly. Yet their biggest problem was the same reason you and I often struggle. They viewed keeping a set of rules as their righteousness. We easily recognize it in them not as being clothed in the righteousness of Christ but simply self-righteousness which accounts for nothing. In their eyes, they needed no help, no direction, and no change. As long as everyone viewed them as keeping the law, what else did they need? They held haughty expectations for everyone else who fell beneath them. However, John is pointing out that actually, to truly live a righteous life, one must admit their failings and need for help. Not just once, but in keeping with it. It is not through perfection, our own strength, or anything else we can do except one thing: admit we can’t. Over and over again. Simply put, in order to continue bearing the fruit of the Spirit, we must constantly repent.

Part of this is because we want credit. Where there is independence, there is credit for the success. Where there is dependence, we must share the glory. However, in our Christian walk, our goal should be for God to get all of the glory, therefore dependence is desired. The other reason for this is because we wish to avoid admitting our wrongs, confessing our sins, and asking for help. It is laying down the pride we so badly wish to erect as walls around ourselves when we know we’ve messed up and do not want to endure the discomfort of admitting so. We know we cannot be perfect, yet we still strive for it all the time. However, these are the very things that will lead us towards Godly lives if—we’ll let them.

Bearing fruit takes repentance and repentance takes humility—the very nature in which Christ came. While Jesus never had need for repentance, he constantly humbled himself where he did not have to, even to the point of death. We on the other hand, often should yet avoid it at all costs, finding excuses and others to blame. But according to John the Baptist, this is the way to heed the Sprit—to turn back constantly, admitting once again our failings and receiving mercy and grace in return. How could we follow Jesus if we live our lives as though we are capable of achieving our own righteousness? The very gift he humbled himself to the point of death to give us?

Luke 5:31-32

“And Jesus answered them, ‘Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.’”

We cannot follow when we think we’re leading. And we cannot accept nor bear the Spirit’s fruit if we continue to think of it as ours. Humility is required. As we admit over and over not only can we not do it without God but that we can only do it because of him, this gives way for the Holy Spirit to lead. In addition, the more we become consciously aware of our own need for patience, kindness, and gentleness to bestowed on us and willingly admit so, the more likely and quickly we are to turn around and offer the same to those around us. Only in our own deception that we have not been wrong, therefore need nothing, are we more likely to land ourselves in the unearned seat of judge on our own lives and often by default, everyone else’s around us.

We don’t make good judges—we’re too biased, and we continue to hold court when it's already been adjourned. Even though all evidence points towards guilty, all charges have been cleared. And we don’t make good saviors. But I know a really good one who is loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, gentle, faithful, and limitless. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather choose him. Daily, minute by minute—as many times as I need to. And as we do, we will see the fruit become more prosperous—not because of our ability, but because of our laying down of self in repentance to his good and perfect nature.